Why I Stepped Down From My Start Up.

The other day I found myself frozen in panic; what the fuck just happened!? And when I say ‘just happened’ I’m referring to the past 6 years… The moment I trademarked Rawxies, to the moment I stepped down, and to the moment I pursued another path… What. The fuck. Just happened.

Yup, just like that…

A sobering moment where my life flashed before me. Slow and blissful, yet, fast and painful.

Rewind:

27; naive, passionate, and driven. I had a bachelor’s degree in fine art, no formal business training, and zero experience in food manufacturing. I was fearless to the fullest extent.

I packed a U-Haul and I moved 2,000 miles away from my friends and family. I rented a corner of a tea kitchen and I just went for it. In the first year, I rolled and cut by hand over 100,000 cookies, I knocked on over 100 doors and I averaged 4 hours of sleep each night.

What an 8-5 employee works in 3.5 years, I worked in 1.

Repeat; 6 years.

Complete oblivion.

I lived so fast, so focused, and so determined that I eventually went numb. I trained my brain to stop feeling, because the rollercoaster of emotions was just too much. I shut it off.

I went from innovator and creator to HR and Finance. A soul-crushing haze.

Eventually I began to crumble. I built a brand, but I did it at the cost of, well, everything; relationships, family, hobbies, health.

I stopped feeling in the pursuit of success.

Investors, employees, product manufacturing; the hole was so fucking deep and I was so alone. I got sick of explaining to people the reality of entrepreneurism, so I just I just isolated myself further.

Everyone thought I was so alive. When all I wanted every night, was to go to bed and never wake up.  I wish I were kidding.

I was done playing pretend.

Fast forward: 

6 months later, I’ve begun to feel again. Not only experiencing joy in the present moment, from getting dressed to cooking dinner, but also in acknowledging those once-in-a-lifetime moments that I never actually lived. National awards, major blog features, and large publication call outs.

Out of body experiences. Present; 1-6 years later.

I didn’t give up.

Had I done that, I would have continued to selflessly pursue a position I was too burnt out to fulfill. I stepped down because I loved my employees, I had a responsibility to my investors, and I needed to honor my own well-being.

In a black and white world, I found peace in a murky shade of grey.

True Oblivion.

Xo
Callie

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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