My mom once told me that she thought I’d never be happy and that I was incapable of finding happiness.
In turn, I have grown up believing such words to be true. In any moment where I’ve found myself in a state less than bliss, those painful words have played over and over in my head. “Callie, maybe it’s true, you’re just incapable of being happy.”
The past few months have been really hard for me both professionally and personally and I’ve lost my happiness. While packing last week, I looked at my mom, I broke down in tears and I said “You’re right, I will never be happy.” Instead of coddling me, she said “Well, I think it’s true. You’re happy, then you get bored, and then you’re no longer happy…” And just like that, the sign I have been asking the Universe to deliver me for the past 6+ months, was delivered.
My mom is probably dying right now reading this, but if she weren’t the way she is, she wouldn’t have provided me with the perspective I needed. The only reason I have the creative ability I have, is because I am my mother’s daughter. And no one could have provided me with that observation as transparent as she did.
I am not incapable of being happy, but I am incapable of finding happiness in contentment, in safety, and in routine. Unhappiness is the Universe’s way of telling me I have overstayed my welcome. My purpose in this world is to create, is to build, is to challenge, and most importantly, it is to repeat. I’m so goddamn happy when I’m creating and I’m so goddamn miserable when I’m not. The same misery my accountant would experience if I asked her to send me an immaculate charcoal portraiture… weekly.
For me, as a creative, unhappiness is what makes me fucking brilliant. And constant happiness, is what makes the doctor down the street doing the same surgery 50 times a day, every day, also fucking brilliant. There are marathon runners and there are sprinters; and while the world needs us both, it does not need us serving a position we were not put on this earth to serve.
The universe has spoken; to me, to you, to us all.
There is nothing the matter with us and we are perfectly capable of being happy. Simply put; If it makes you happy, do it and if it doesn’t, do something different.
After all, life is too short and we are too brilliant to spend our time on this planet trying to serve someone else’s purpose.
Find your happiness. Serve your happiness. Live your brilliance.
Thank you, Mom –
Your brilliant, stress-inducing, daughter ❤